When we discussed if my husband should go to this trip last week, I was thinking, well, easy-breasy, no problem, I'll handle it with grace... What was I thinking? Clearly, I was in denial...
Actually, I knew my husband was taking care of Princess homeworks and piano practice and getting her busy during weekend... And I minimized in my calculation the time it would take me to tackle everything. Bad planning, really!
I thought about being a single mom during first year and how it wasn't so bad, and I figure that it wouldn't be different... Wrong! During that first year, my husband was home every weekend, he took care of the homework and was responsible for her the whole weekend. I cannot study while being disturb every 3 minutes for a question, a lunch, or anything else (pick a choice, a 8 years old have endless ideas).
I can't imagine having to do the homework with a kid who have difficulties in school. We struggle with Princess, mostly because she finds it boring and she second-guess every thing we ask her to do... but I can't complain, because they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :-) I am very ready for her to understand that what takes the most time is for her to negotiate not doing it and having to do it anyway (15 minutes to complain, 3 minutes to do, I'll let you do the math).
So, between the piano lesson, the musical theory lesson, the ballet class, the piano practice every day (ok, maybe I am not as thorough as I should, but I don't loose sleep on that), following up on a piece of equipment for the hot tub that should have been here three weeks ago, getting the hot tub repaired and re-started (Thanks Dad! most fantastic Dad ever!), following up with the insurance company for our claim on water-damage, trying to make sure everything is fixed before winter (and you know, I believe Jon Snow: winter is coming!)... I am exhausted and I haven't even started working on school stuff.
On a good note, we have fantastic mom-daughter time and I really appreciate how she has become this fantastic, autonomous little person. I find it amazing the road she travelled since we moved here. One day, I even believe she will be a completely adequate adult (ok, let's face it, she is spoiled but she is so fantastic, it doesn't matter, does it?)
Well, you know what? I know I'll get through it and I'll survive. And for now, breathe in breathe out and repeat...
Monday, September 28, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Single mom
As of this morning, I am a single mom for the next 18 days (or so, I haven't really count). And you know how these things never come alone, I have my busiest week this year. And, while cooking dinner, I have ruined my favorite pan... Well, not my best day this month, let just say...I should get over it, though...
My integrative problem this week is on cardiology. I am pretty sure by now I won't be a cardiologist. Really not my favorite subject. My motivation is not there. So, it takes me longer to get through the material, while I have less time to do it because of the gazillion of other activities. I'll survive I suppose, but I won't be as ready as I like to be.
A month after starting this phase, I have to say I find it much easier than the system units. The problems are more applied, more clinical. We have more clinical competency activities as well. We don't have as much new material, just more integration of all the stuff we saw before. And it is thrilling to see that we are becoming baby doctors slowly but surely... In about three months, we're gonna be clerk and I even believe we are gonna be good clerks (well, good baby clerks ;-))
While I am on it, I got the track I wanted for clerkship, my first choice. Which didn't really made me step with joy. I don't know, I felt like any track would have been ok at some point. I would have made it work anyway. And we negotiated our local rotation, so now I know part of my clekship. Of the 15 months clerkship before LMCC (medical license in Canada), 6 are confirmed being home, and 4 will be for sure away. I succeeded in being home for September, to help husband with start of school next year (weird to plan for next year return to school while still in September, right?). Otherwise, I have tried to separate time I am away with time being home. My endocrinology elective is almost confirmed, but my plans with the rhumatologist didn't worked out. I am trying to work on something else an hour away on anesthesiologist and chronic pain this week, and if it doesn't work, I'll go with the lottery. There is some very interesting local choices there too, so it might not be so hard. Overall, I am still nervous for the lottery of obligatory rotation next week. My plans were to do more difficult rotation away, so less effect on the family if you are not there anyway. But, then, looking into all of it, even if I do these rotation away, there is slight chances I could do the other ones here (because there is not many spots here, and they are very coveted, since we do not have a lot of residents. Sometimes, you are alone with the attending. Therefore, the exposure is fantastic). I'll know in less than 10 days... To be continued...
My integrative problem this week is on cardiology. I am pretty sure by now I won't be a cardiologist. Really not my favorite subject. My motivation is not there. So, it takes me longer to get through the material, while I have less time to do it because of the gazillion of other activities. I'll survive I suppose, but I won't be as ready as I like to be.
A month after starting this phase, I have to say I find it much easier than the system units. The problems are more applied, more clinical. We have more clinical competency activities as well. We don't have as much new material, just more integration of all the stuff we saw before. And it is thrilling to see that we are becoming baby doctors slowly but surely... In about three months, we're gonna be clerk and I even believe we are gonna be good clerks (well, good baby clerks ;-))
While I am on it, I got the track I wanted for clerkship, my first choice. Which didn't really made me step with joy. I don't know, I felt like any track would have been ok at some point. I would have made it work anyway. And we negotiated our local rotation, so now I know part of my clekship. Of the 15 months clerkship before LMCC (medical license in Canada), 6 are confirmed being home, and 4 will be for sure away. I succeeded in being home for September, to help husband with start of school next year (weird to plan for next year return to school while still in September, right?). Otherwise, I have tried to separate time I am away with time being home. My endocrinology elective is almost confirmed, but my plans with the rhumatologist didn't worked out. I am trying to work on something else an hour away on anesthesiologist and chronic pain this week, and if it doesn't work, I'll go with the lottery. There is some very interesting local choices there too, so it might not be so hard. Overall, I am still nervous for the lottery of obligatory rotation next week. My plans were to do more difficult rotation away, so less effect on the family if you are not there anyway. But, then, looking into all of it, even if I do these rotation away, there is slight chances I could do the other ones here (because there is not many spots here, and they are very coveted, since we do not have a lot of residents. Sometimes, you are alone with the attending. Therefore, the exposure is fantastic). I'll know in less than 10 days... To be continued...
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Let it go...
No, this post is not about Queen Elsa, even though Princess use it as alarm-clock, and I might have become brain-damaged from too much listening...
As a few of my colleagues in medical school, I might have a tendency to control things around me... The thing I found the most difficult in dealing with infertility was that I wasn't in control of when (or if) it would happen. Someone once told me to let it go and it would happen... well, good luck with that!
I like to feel I am in control of what would happen and when. I don't mind if it requires more work, I will gladly do it if I can make sure I will have it the way I want it. (Not working very well in infertility though).
And then comes cleckship.
At my school, the way it is designed, we have to choose among 12 tracks and students are evenly distributed among them. Because our clerckship is shorter than most, we do not have time to experience everything before CaRMS application. Therefore, we have to choose a track that make sure we are doing the one we are most interested in before application. But...
We classify the tracks we prefer, and then, everything is distributed by lottery from a system. Mostly, people are able to get within their fourth first choices. Very fair some would say (ok, ok, I agree, it is fair) However, for a control-freak (like let's say... myself), lottery is very difficult. There is no way I can influence the result, working harder would not get me closer to what I would prefer. And I don't refer to me as Lucky in these kind of things*
When the tracks are distributed, we then do the same for each rotation: first, the obligatory, then selective and finally electives**. Every rotation is distributed via a lottery, that I do not have any influence on. It is even possible to I get a rotation that is 8 hours away from home. This make me feel very uneasy...
Today, I was looking into tracks, how I should rate them. I looked into some selective I would like to do (allergy/immunology), and it is not available each month... And with the tracks I had selected, I mostly couldn't do it. There is NO way I could have it all... and even IF there was, I still don't know if I can get that track! Should I select a track where I might have 1 in 18 chance to do this elective? Well, just very annoying not having anything set.
As of Friday though, I should know my track, and by end of September, most of my cleckship will be settle...
Still, a very First World problem I suppose... I am still very happy in med school, have a fantastic Princess and a very supportive husband. I'm sure I could do worse... So, I am going to breathe and try to "Let it go!"
*I know I am lucky in life in general. but I believe that I still control some part of that "luck".
**But it is possible to do personal representation for the electives to experience different specialties or environment...Guess who is trying to get all her electives from that source? I already have some understanding with my favorite mentor ever (another post on this later, I promise) for family medicine and working on something for endocrinology. If I can finalize with the rhumatologist, everything would be fantastic at least for my first three months of cleckship... We take control where we can, can't we?
As a few of my colleagues in medical school, I might have a tendency to control things around me... The thing I found the most difficult in dealing with infertility was that I wasn't in control of when (or if) it would happen. Someone once told me to let it go and it would happen... well, good luck with that!
I like to feel I am in control of what would happen and when. I don't mind if it requires more work, I will gladly do it if I can make sure I will have it the way I want it. (Not working very well in infertility though).
And then comes cleckship.
At my school, the way it is designed, we have to choose among 12 tracks and students are evenly distributed among them. Because our clerckship is shorter than most, we do not have time to experience everything before CaRMS application. Therefore, we have to choose a track that make sure we are doing the one we are most interested in before application. But...
We classify the tracks we prefer, and then, everything is distributed by lottery from a system. Mostly, people are able to get within their fourth first choices. Very fair some would say (ok, ok, I agree, it is fair) However, for a control-freak (like let's say... myself), lottery is very difficult. There is no way I can influence the result, working harder would not get me closer to what I would prefer. And I don't refer to me as Lucky in these kind of things*
When the tracks are distributed, we then do the same for each rotation: first, the obligatory, then selective and finally electives**. Every rotation is distributed via a lottery, that I do not have any influence on. It is even possible to I get a rotation that is 8 hours away from home. This make me feel very uneasy...
Today, I was looking into tracks, how I should rate them. I looked into some selective I would like to do (allergy/immunology), and it is not available each month... And with the tracks I had selected, I mostly couldn't do it. There is NO way I could have it all... and even IF there was, I still don't know if I can get that track! Should I select a track where I might have 1 in 18 chance to do this elective? Well, just very annoying not having anything set.
As of Friday though, I should know my track, and by end of September, most of my cleckship will be settle...
Still, a very First World problem I suppose... I am still very happy in med school, have a fantastic Princess and a very supportive husband. I'm sure I could do worse... So, I am going to breathe and try to "Let it go!"
*I know I am lucky in life in general. but I believe that I still control some part of that "luck".
**But it is possible to do personal representation for the electives to experience different specialties or environment...Guess who is trying to get all her electives from that source? I already have some understanding with my favorite mentor ever (another post on this later, I promise) for family medicine and working on something for endocrinology. If I can finalize with the rhumatologist, everything would be fantastic at least for my first three months of cleckship... We take control where we can, can't we?
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